fear of grace.

so yesterday I had a final at 8am.
f i t n e s s.
directly after, I went to Starbucks for some sweet Jesus time.
when He speaks, HE SPEAKS.
[bless the name of God.]


but THEN
for the rest of the day...
I did absolutely nothing.


I did do a little of this:

moosejaw.

 

making art is such freedom.

to express an emotion and then to brush it away with another color in just a single stroke.

no boundaries beyond those of the canvas.

how nice it would be to be able to do that in life.

the ability to feel and express exactly what you are at that moment to have it wiped away if you so desired in an instant.

if I tried this, I think I might spend more time apologizing than living at all. [thank you Jesus for filters.]

but then I guess even in that finished piece, there are marks and screw ups all underneath the surface. you just can't see them anymore. there's still something lying underneath it all.

our pastor said something the other day that has begun a whole new thought process in me of who God is and what He does.

"It's God's grace that He reveals our sin to us."

h a l l e l u j a h .

because here's the thing beloved,

in the Garden, we were supposed to have communion with him...

in the Beginning, we were made to be perfect.

to be flawless.

and we screwed it up.

so now, we are nothing.

we are horrid little creatures roaming this earth craving and begging for the desires of our insatiable flesh to be satisfied.

they won't be. they never are.

I remember thinking at different times in my life,

in the midst of sanctification,

that I just wanted to be all that I ever would be

right at that moment.

I wanted to stop:

the correction

the rebuke

the reminder of my unholiness

the reminder of my filthiness

the reminder of my fault

sin

distance from all that He is.

I didn't want to be perfect because He desires that I be Him to all people...

I wanted to be flawless in order that I might live my life in "peace."

but over the years, I've come to realize that because of His goodness we are not left in the midst of the most wretched sin.

He has RANSOMED us.

He has saved us from sin and death.

and not only when we accept that salvation do we receive his grace,

but in the middle of it all when He reveals your sin and picks you up out of it and sends you off into new life.

the sweetest moments of His grace are in the tearful moments of the night when we're trying to figure out how to change ourselves.

only to be reminded that to change we must be completely yielded to Him in order to be transformed.

His grace is evident in the midst of too many instances to mention even now. but let it be known that His grace is sufficient to cover over a

M U L T I T U D E

of sins.

and

just as in Exodus when the Lord revealed His glory to Moses in the cleft of the rock,

it was scary

it was dangerous

it was life or death

but God did reveal.

and I want to see His glory.

which mean I must see my sin for what it is.

which is also scary sometimes.

but I say,

let the cloud descend.

...Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
...Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,

peoples in exchange for your life.

                    -- Isaiah 43:1-4