I have not posted in FOREVER although I have so wanted to.
Something in me just always feels the need to write out my thoughts, hash them out on a keyboard or with my favorite blue ink pen in my current journal from India.
Due to my increasingly busy schedule, I have no time.
I can't write OR read which are two things I sooooo love.
but here I am this Sunday morning, sick in bed and staying home from church.
so there is time.
My heart is so full this morning.
for many reasons, but mostly I am extremely emotionally sensitive to the Lord this morning.
you see, my sweet sweet boyfriend of 9 months asked me to be his wife a few weeks ago.
now since the moment I said yes (which was a while after he asked because I forgot to say yes. I was shocked, okay?!) life has not ceased to slow down. in fact.... it has sped up. to a rapid rate that isn't even on the speedometer. but that's okay, we are sticking with it. it's a fun season.
yesterday, I was feeling crumby as I am today, but I ventured out to the nearest "bigger" town to look for a wedding dress, as my wedding is coming SOON (May 25th). dress after dress I tried on, thinking... is this one it? no... how about this one? no... I came away knowing what I want, but no dress. which I'm fine with. but I also came away with something else.
a thankful heart.
let me explain.
after I got home from the hour and a half drive... I called Garrett (my adorable husband-to-be) and went over to his house. we watched a movie and afterwards sat there talking. As I was looking at him, in his face, letting my mind try to memorize his features as if they will change tomorrow, my mind drifted to the Lord...
SIDENOTE: I love how thinking of Garrett Day, makes me think on Jesus. GRAND DESIGN.
and as we sat there, my eyes filled with moisture.
I just sat there thinking, "God, you were so faithful to me."
Garrett is my first boyfriend.
he's the first one I've ever held hands with.
the first one I've said I love you to.
the first one I've ever kissed.
I have often thought about all of the nights during the years of singleness that I would fall asleep thinking, praying, hoping, sometimes crying to God asking him not to forget me.
there were so many times I would write in my journals, "I feel like you've forgotten me."
but in that moment yesterday... and some moments before, but especially yesterday...
I was so thankful of our God's faithfulness.
He is faithful when we are not.
when we question and cry out and forget Him, He does not, will not, forget us.
He knew all along when I had no clue.
He was making me and making Garrett all along to be what we are now.
For each other, but FOR HIM.
It's funny because Garrett & I have known each other since we were 12.
but that whole time, we had no clue that on May 25, 2012, we would marry.
God's movements are all around us.
"Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:3-4
My story is one not of romance or beauty although it does include those things.
This story of mine is of the glorious riches and divine steadfastness of our Lord.
He so badly wanted my heart, that it was not in his character to give me the things I desired yet.
He needed me to want Him. There is more to me now than a hot fiance and a task-oriented mentality.
I have roots in the One. My FIRST Love.
The Love who enables me to Love Garrett Day, my beautiful family & sweet friends.
He is ALL.
He is it for us.
He IS the prize.
and we don't have to wait to get Him.
g l o r y .
