yesterday was Husband's 27th birthday.
He spent the day working of course but not before I sent him off with some bacon and blueberry waffles in his stomach. aaaaaand a new wedding ring on his finger. (his original had faded as Tungsten apparently fades whereas Titanium does not.)
Last night though, we went to a coffee shop here in town with family.
I got a chocolate milkshake because even though, as of late, we haven't been doing sweets, I figured, 'It's Garrett's birthday, let's celebrate!'
Winslow was of course running around everywhere because she no longer needs to hold onto my fingers, but goes where she wants when she wants. I knew that day was coming. (see previous post)
I was trying to give her some of the milkshake using a spoon because we haven't mastered the art of sucking through a straw yet. So she stood across the little coffee table from me as I painstakingly tried my hardest not to drip chocolate milkshake everywhere getting it to her. I would try to get her to come stand by me to be a little closer to me so I wouldn't drip so much but no, she wouldn't budge... I would show her where she could stand next to me and even tried to lead her over and still... she just wanted more. MORE CHOCOLATE MOM! She's a girl through and through with the chocolate y'all.
drip drip drip....
It was somewhere in the middle of me pulling her arms trying to get her to see what I was trying to do while she yelled and fought me, that I got it. People always talk about how having kids teaches you so much about God as the Father. I've had glimpses every now and then so far and I understand what everyone was talking about. And I guess this was just one of those times, but even today... I'm thinking on it still.
God is begging us, drawing us, asking and pleading with us to come closer to him. He has so much good just waiting to let us suck down with a straw instead of clumsily getting the drips and drops from far away. Still we say no.. we are fine where we are, we can't see what He is doing. Maybe we are afraid of coming closer... of losing "freedoms" maybe? Who knows... I do know that there is more to be had of our God. [Psalm 139:5] It more than I can dream up in my dreamy little mind, but I can get it when I am next to him, not at an arms reach, but at his feet.
Winslow and I wasted so much milkshake last night doing the little dance over the coffee table. Finally, after great loss, I made a pathway for her to get to me... and she finally came to me.
The thing is, God makes a way for us to be with him, to come to him, approach him boldly... and still we see the path, but we choose to keep him at a distance. And that is when I ask you, what is it that is keeping us there?
The truth for me is this:
I know that God demands a high price.
Intimacy with him requires my time, my valuable, short, sweet, precious, scarce NAP time.
So much can be done in a babies nap time. Or can it?
I know that it also may require me doing some things that are uncomfortable or even scary.
'What if He tells me to do something CRAZY?!'
BUT OH THE RICHNESS OF GOD.
Knowing, trusting and resting in Him has ALWAYS been worth it.
I have to believe it always will be.
Others stand on the other side of the coffee table shouting "I want MORE! GIVE ME MORE!"
All the while, God's desire is to give us more but it requires us taking steps of [faith, obedience, reconciliation, etc.]
We want healing, nice things, beauty, more more more....
God wants to lavish on us HIMSELF which is best and truest when we are by his side, palms open, heads bowed, in reverence to him. He is that which fulfills all things. [Matt. 6:33]
It's so frustrating sometimes being a parent and seeing the goodness your kid could have if they just LISTEN to you. I know that I am only at the starting line of this parenting thing and that I will feel more and more of this in the teenage years. But still, you know what is there, you know that they will love it, that it's best for them... but they just want to do what they want to do.
Just this morning I pulled ANOTHER mouthful of dog food from Winslow's lips and she screamed and cried and hit me because she wanted more. We have daily conversations about the dog food and dog water and still it's like crack to her! She always will choose to play in the dog water while munching on the dog food.
I can SEE that it's not good for her but she will not listen. She would rather have dog food any day of the week than a pb&j. (She has this thing about jelly, weird I know.)
I'm so grateful to the Father though. He is so patient with us. The Holy Spirit teaches and teaches us. Over and over and over again.
Even last night and today, he's teaching me this lesson that he's been teaching me for forever.
COME TO ME. COME TO ME. EAT. DRINK. HAVE YOUR FILL.
Have I listened? No.
So He teaches me again.
That He wants and desires for me to know him intimately and deeply.
Grateful heart today. I'm thankful for a God who loves unconditionally, a toddler who teaches me daily as I try to teach her and a husband who walks this road with me and stays up late doing crosswords and hashing through all that God is saying.
"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16
