life as I know it.

so I realized I haven't blogged since the coming of our sweet girl, Winslow Raegan.
and that my friends is a tragedy. she is now 4 1/2 months. wow. they aren't kidding you when they say that the older you get the faster time flies. it's so true.

after her 1st bath at home

but man. I'm loving the whole stay-at-home mom thing. and not because it's so "cush." haha.
all the stay-at-home mom's out there laugh with me now. no it's great though.
it's fairly stress free in a sense.
I LOVE her. I was telling a group of high school senior girls yesterday what it's like loving her.
you know, we married people say to each other sometimes... "I love you more each day." but now that I have actually experienced that, I know that I haven't really fallen more in love with Garrett EVERY day.
at least not like I have with Winslow.
I had a scoche (sp?) of postpartum after she was born. for about a month, I couldn't be myself.
it honestly started getting better when breastfeeding started getting better... not surprised if those are related. I connected with her.. and loved her even, but not like I thought I should.
then one day it just started kinda clicking. but ya know, I can HONESTLY say that today I love her more than yesterday. and yesterday more than the day before. I am living it and I can feel it... ya know? like everyday, being a mom gets a little bit more awesome. I don't know if it will always feel like that. and that's ok if not. I mean there have already been days when Garrett has come home & I've said, "Here. Take her, and do with her what you want. I'm taking an extremely long shower." or I've cried about not feeling like a good mom because good mom's don't get breaks or even need them and they don't get so easily frustrated with ONE child.
Garrett is so good at speaking truth to me.

1 month old.

yesterday I slipped a Baby Einstein disc in the DVD player and laid my babe on floor.
She laid there doing tummy time glued to the tv while I curled up on the couch with my devotional & my husband's Bible (my favorite commentary) and read for a bit. It struck me how my life has changed and how you really must "roll with the punches." As I sat there reading and meeting with God to the tunes of Baby Mozart and the sound of a pleasant sounding woman saying, "Wave," "Stand Up!", "Clap!", I remembered the times at the Honor Academy when I would set up my meeting times with the Lord like some elaborate romantical date.
low lighting,
blanket in the floor,
Misty Edwards-ish music playing softly in the background,
journal & Bible out...
and sometimes for hours, I would lay there reading.. writing... scribbling.. underlining... praying... 

now I read a couple verses, then run to get a burp rag because in the second part of verse 16, she spit up all over the shag rug... which is the hardest type of rug to clean by the way. it goes down deep.

so my life is now out of control. haha.
I used to have it in control.
I used to keep my house so clean.
I used to have a flat tummy.
I used to get out in the cold.
I used to stay out late.
I used to do what I wanted.

3 months old. - Merry Christmas!

but with my messy house, flabby stomach, crazy dog & short and sporadic quiet times.... I find rest. I find rest in my God who has made all things beautiful in it's time. beautiful looks a little different than I thought it would. but it's better.

life is so beautiful. and I'm realizing... it always has been. it's just always changing to a different kind of beautiful... even a better kind.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."     -Ecc. 3:11

4 1/2 months.