VOICES

SO MANY VOICES. Like wow.

Everyone’s like, hey, I got something to say!

And I’M SURE YOU DO! Don’t we all? I feel like there are only a few times in my life when I’ve honest to goodness been rendered speechless because for the most part, I have something to say about it all.

Now, what I have to say on the matter, I will most assuredly speak with passion and then a few weeks later, I will gather more information and probably recant what I spoke so vehemently about several weeks prior. It’s exhausting. And it leaves my very Enneagram Type 1 self feel so dejected and disenchanted with myself.

Side bar: I think the Enneagram is a great tool, not the Gospel and not always true, but can be beneficial in relationships. In fact, the Enneagram is one of the topics that I used to talk about all the time. I was a huge proponent. Then I did some more research and came up with some things that made me question it. But I still find it helpful in some ways.

Now before you get all SJW on me, don’t hear what I’m not saying. There are some very real things happening in our country and in our world that some people need to wake up and recognize. Things that have kept me up at night. Things I have pleaded with God about. Things I didn’t want to know but have to know.

I feel like there are absolutely times to speak up and speak out.

BUT

Every issue? No.

Every circumstance? No.

Every injustice? No.

Wait...... I shouldn’t speak up and out about EVERY INJUSTICE?? WHY NOT??!!? 

People need to know where I stand right? They have to know right from wrong and who else will speak it to them for ME?!??! 

Oh wow. Have I ever toiled over this subject.

Listen friend.

Sometimes, it’s just noise. It’s just more noise. And there’s so much freaking noise out there, that no one is even listening anymore. Everyone is numb. It’s like driving down the highway with 3 hours left to go and the baby and 2 and 3 year old are all 3 screaming and/or singing and at some point you just turn off the radio because there’s TOO MUCH NOISE. You now are staring at the road before you, unable to form a conscious thought. Am I right?

You know why I make my bigger kids who don’t nap anymore have a quiet time?

Because it’s important to rest. It’s extremely important to learn to be quiet and still. We don’t always have to be on. We don’t always have to run at level 10. It’s a healthy, good and dare I say, biblical practice to SHUT THE HECK UP SCHNEEBLY. (10 points if you can guess that movie reference!)

And so, in conclusion, I say, give yourself permission. Permit yourself a little grace to not always take up your sword. I’m hearing a lot of this, “Your silence means you side with the enemy” type message. I’m sorry well-known author but I’m also hearing “Where words are many, sin abounds.” (Proverbs 10:19)

Permit yourself to not have to weigh in on every subject. To not call everyone out. And please for the love of Pete, find a way to laugh a little.

I’ve recently taken up recreation. I know, I know. It sounds silly. But for years, I have spent every one of my waking moments, reading non-fictions, not watching tv (especially in the last 6-12months), and if I’m not reading, I’m listening to a sermon, teaching or podcast. Constant feed of good, rich stuff, but 

all. so. serious.

So, I’ve recently started watching Heartland. Now, I’m not proud to admit that I have never binged harder than I have with Heartland. It’s like taking a starving kid to a grocery store. You gotta take baby steps ya know? Well, I didn’t. I’m currently on Season 10 and I won’t give you any spoilers but, can I just say... TAKE ME TO CALGARY!!!

I mean really, where’s my Canadian passport already? Also, Santa, I want a horse. I need to ride with the wind in my hair! I need a horse. I want to “tack” up a horse and “muck” out their stall. JK about that last part.

Can I just tell you guys a funny thing about this though, in all seriousness? I honestly feel like bringing a little bit of fun and laughter and just overall ... relief... is making me a better mom and wife. That sounds crazy. But I feel like, all I have done for years is just trying to read and consume as much literature and teachings as I can to be a “responsible adult” and my poor anxiety-ridden body and brain are exhausted!

I need life! I need adventure! I need a horse!

I also believe that God made me to love a good story. Ask anyone that knows me, I tell the longest ones. Too many details. #sorrynotsorry

I almost felt guilty for watching anything other than American Gospel or a documentary when I turned on Netflix. But ya’ll the world is so heavy right now. We all need to lighten up a bit.

This is what you need to do:

1) Shut the heck up Schneebly. (Pronounced SHNAY-BLAY)

2) Go pour out your heart to Jesus and then LISTEN TO JESUS.

3) Grab your fave snack.

4) Go turn on S1E1 of Heartland. It’s on Netflix. Go. Run. (When Calls the Heart is a goodie too.)

5) Enjoy.

There you have my very rigorous, 5 step program for surviving the seriousness of this world. Who knows.... a couple seasons in, you might feel just good enough to get back in the ring.

Ya’ll. God is our avenger. He IS coming to right every wrong. And he knew about allllll this stuff long before we found out about it. Let the Holy Spirit convict. God is working all things together for our good.

Praying you find rest in that.

life as I know it.

so I realized I haven't blogged since the coming of our sweet girl, Winslow Raegan.
and that my friends is a tragedy. she is now 4 1/2 months. wow. they aren't kidding you when they say that the older you get the faster time flies. it's so true.

after her 1st bath at home

but man. I'm loving the whole stay-at-home mom thing. and not because it's so "cush." haha.
all the stay-at-home mom's out there laugh with me now. no it's great though.
it's fairly stress free in a sense.
I LOVE her. I was telling a group of high school senior girls yesterday what it's like loving her.
you know, we married people say to each other sometimes... "I love you more each day." but now that I have actually experienced that, I know that I haven't really fallen more in love with Garrett EVERY day.
at least not like I have with Winslow.
I had a scoche (sp?) of postpartum after she was born. for about a month, I couldn't be myself.
it honestly started getting better when breastfeeding started getting better... not surprised if those are related. I connected with her.. and loved her even, but not like I thought I should.
then one day it just started kinda clicking. but ya know, I can HONESTLY say that today I love her more than yesterday. and yesterday more than the day before. I am living it and I can feel it... ya know? like everyday, being a mom gets a little bit more awesome. I don't know if it will always feel like that. and that's ok if not. I mean there have already been days when Garrett has come home & I've said, "Here. Take her, and do with her what you want. I'm taking an extremely long shower." or I've cried about not feeling like a good mom because good mom's don't get breaks or even need them and they don't get so easily frustrated with ONE child.
Garrett is so good at speaking truth to me.

1 month old.

yesterday I slipped a Baby Einstein disc in the DVD player and laid my babe on floor.
She laid there doing tummy time glued to the tv while I curled up on the couch with my devotional & my husband's Bible (my favorite commentary) and read for a bit. It struck me how my life has changed and how you really must "roll with the punches." As I sat there reading and meeting with God to the tunes of Baby Mozart and the sound of a pleasant sounding woman saying, "Wave," "Stand Up!", "Clap!", I remembered the times at the Honor Academy when I would set up my meeting times with the Lord like some elaborate romantical date.
low lighting,
blanket in the floor,
Misty Edwards-ish music playing softly in the background,
journal & Bible out...
and sometimes for hours, I would lay there reading.. writing... scribbling.. underlining... praying... 

now I read a couple verses, then run to get a burp rag because in the second part of verse 16, she spit up all over the shag rug... which is the hardest type of rug to clean by the way. it goes down deep.

so my life is now out of control. haha.
I used to have it in control.
I used to keep my house so clean.
I used to have a flat tummy.
I used to get out in the cold.
I used to stay out late.
I used to do what I wanted.

3 months old. - Merry Christmas!

but with my messy house, flabby stomach, crazy dog & short and sporadic quiet times.... I find rest. I find rest in my God who has made all things beautiful in it's time. beautiful looks a little different than I thought it would. but it's better.

life is so beautiful. and I'm realizing... it always has been. it's just always changing to a different kind of beautiful... even a better kind.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."     -Ecc. 3:11

4 1/2 months.

it's a happy kinda sad.

I've always been the type to mourn the passing of a good & beautiful season of life. 

I can remember the very last Wednesday as a 6th grader in the Children's Ministry at church & snotting everywhere I was crying so hard. I had genuinely LOVED that time in my life. those years practicing & performing musicals, singing solos & making friends that stood next to me years later in my wedding. I didn't want to move on. I was fine right where I was. or so I thought. 

and so here I am at another one of those fleeting beautiful short seasons. 7 more weeks of this life with Husband alone & to be honest, in all my happiness... there is a little sadness too. 

people like to bash on those that can't accept change. that's not really my issue, I don't mind change, I just hate endings. there are those who are always wanting life to change, always dreaming up their next adventure which is a real blessing to those of us who aren't like that. I'm married to one of those. I also shared a room with one for my whole life. My sister always wanted to rearrange our bedroom furniture & I was the one who was like, 'What's wrong with it how it is?'

I've kind of thought there was something wrong with me... like I should just be totally ok with change like everyone else. but I feel like God is showing me that though I may not love the passing of great seasons & welcome change with open arms... I have finally learned how to live in the moment.

I can be happy with where I'm at without constantly trying to go to the next thing or the next this or that.

life has become beautiful to me.

every early morning when I somehow can tear myself from the bed just in time to slip a bagel in the oven for Garrett before he leaves for work. or a night on the couch watching a redbox cuz we don't have Cable or Internet & can't use our Apple TV. even the little black socks I find in every nook and cranny that Posey can fit into but this belly can't. I find my front porch delightful when Husband is there with me, even though my front door has one coat of paint on it and the two chairs we sit in I haven't gotten to painting or recovering yet.

I love the man who has worked to make this home a home for me and for Winslow. I love him more everyday. I can't wait for him to be a daddy but part of me knows that there is something that's leaving us even as something so grand and amazing and better even, joins us. 

I'm one who needs to record this. I have to write from this side of everything. so that later, I can read it and remember or someone else can know that I get it. 

so if you're reading this and you're feeling how I feel... words can't really make sense with the mix of prenatal, hormonal, sad & happy, confident & anxious, emotions you feel. but know that I understand how you love your baby that you've never met before. and I understand how you have great hopes and dreams for her life. and I understand that in your desire for her to hurry up and get here, you wish you could also stop time & spend a few more moments in the company of your sweet husband whom you cherish and love so dearly. I know you are anxious about parenting. I know you wonder about a million things. but before you go on a downward spiral of depressing question marks whizzing across your mind...

God has promised to lead us. 

Exodus 33:14 "And he said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'"

my heart rests in that. I'm not just saying that either cuz it sounds super Christian or whatever. I say it because when I speak that verse, my chest relaxes, I let out a huge breath I've been holding for 7 1/2 months & rest. 

God has us. all 3 of us. and I'm so thankful. because Garrett & I frequently talk about how He's never once let us down. throughout our whole lives.... God just kept loving and kept being faithful & providing for our needs. and now this is no different.

our prayers are that He continues to prepare us to disciple this little human being so she may be sent out for His bidding. 

they also include a selfish prayer for us: that we would treasure these last few weeks with each other. that it'll be a time of making memories that we'll never forget & preparing for what is sure to be the greatest adventure of our lives. 

I am further convinced of God's unwavering love when I think of who He gave me to walk this road with. no one better for me y'all. 

so ya. 

anxiety. joy. ecstaticness?. sadness. anticipation. excitement. love. hope. fear.

I feel them all. can you tell I'm 33 weeks pregnant? hah.

God has reminded me though of truth & that alone is what I rest in. and I really can rest. even if it's hard to find a comfortable position to lay down in. 

so maybe I don't want to say goodbye... maybe I'm fine right where I am... but maybe that's the problem. God is calling me to greater depths. to greater moments of need for Him (aka. 3am feedings & blowout diapers). He is saying my name & no matter how much I've loved the current season of life being newly married & figuring out cooking & burning macaroni & hanging shelves and pictures and and and...I must respond. I MUST respond. and not just cuz I can't go back now. haha. not just because the baby's cooking and there's no retreat, but it's deeper than that. it's bigger than that. this is bigger than me. 

I could still do this whole mom thing without really responding to Gods call & submitting to him. it wouldn't be worth it but I could try that. no, I have to respond because God demanded my life on May 31st, 1995. and my whole life he has. 

every season, every moment, every hour of every day... every goodbye & hello. He's got it all. 

Thank you God, You have it all.

And he said to him, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?" Exodus 33:15-16

Newlywed School: Round II

why hello and welcome to Mrs. Day's Newlywed School!
who's ready for another round of Guess What We've Been Learning Lately? here we go, round two:

1. sometimes husbands have daily bouts with acid reflux and are unwilling to eat a piece of fruit instead of left over Beef Mess at 10pm. this can sometimes lead to "discussions" at said time.
2. sometimes wives talk to much. enough said.
3. MOST of the time, a wife's opinion is the most important thing to a husband. except when the wife thinks a certain pair of holey whitey-tideys should be thrown away. but every other time, wives can move mountains with their tongue. ....aaaand they know those underwear will be coming through the wash soon anyways...
4. sometimes marriage really is work. you really do have to be intentional and remember your spouse. life can get really busy, but you cannot forfeit some good face-time.
5. wives LOVE remembering the early days of marriage and waking up remembering that they are married. LOVE IT. especially when waking up next to their most favorite person is still the best.
6. sometimes, two God-fearing believers get married and have a hard time figuring out what their Jesus time is supposed to look like. Jesus is always good though, and NEVER fails to teach in spite of said couple.
7. ALWAYS be patient. in every moment of the day, there is something to choose to be patient about. ALWAYS choose it.
8. the term "Best Friend" takes a whole new/deeper meaning after a husband & wife say I Do. THE BEST.
9. husbands & wives MUST pray together. morning, day, and night. even if they're on stage leading worship. it means a lot to the wife for the husband to grab her hand, EVERYTIME.
10. husbands love it when wives tell other people they hate something (i.e. chocolate, pumpkin, The Santa Claus) that they don't really hate. NOT.
11. wives love when their husband works late everyday for a week. NOT. but "you gotta do whatchu gotta do." -Garrett Day
12. husbands and wives laugh ALOT.
13. you can learn all you want and study as much as you can about something but really, living it will teach you the most.
14. don't argue about money. dumbest thing in the world. it's not even yours to begin with. wives feel especially dumb when God does what he always does and PROVIDES. makes the whole argument meaningless.
15. if you're wondering if its creepy when a husband opens his eyes suddenly while he's been sleeping and stares at you with these tired, bloodshot emotionless eyes for a good while, it is.

tune in next time as we continue the discussion involving Acid Reflux and laundry! it's sure to be riveting!

10 things Mrs. Day is learning from marriage.

1. sometimes husbands have twice as much clothing/stuff as wives.
2. sometimes husbands think dishwashers clean everything out of dishes so there's no need to scrub them at all.
3. sometimes husbands & wives have different thoughts on what's important. (NBA games, movies, etc.) some things are serious matters... no joking should incur.
4. the first year doesn't have to be incredibly hard, it could be FREAKIN' AWESOME.
5. sometimes husbands already want babies even when they've only been married 2 months. wives have to be the rational beings in those instances.
6. sometimes husbands are used to sleeping in their full size bed all alone & don't want to snuggle with wives ALLLL night...
7. sometimes wives leave for work with the house looking great...but somehow every night when it's bedtime, the house is a wreck.
8. marriage contains a lot of laughter.... especially if the husband is Garrett Day.
9. sometimes wives feel like their life revolves around a sink full of dirty dishes.
10. marriage is God's design & is: sanctifying, worth it, beautiful, rewarding, holy... the list goes on.

I'm sure more will follow.

these are just a few.

but one thing has stayed the same these last 65 days...

life is sweet when you're Garrett Day's.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,

my soul shall exult in my God,

for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;

he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,

as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,

and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,

so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise

to sprout up before all the nations.

[Isaiah 61:10-11]

forgotten love.

hello to all.

I have not posted in FOREVER although I have so wanted to.

Something in me just always feels the need to write out my thoughts, hash them out on a keyboard or with my favorite blue ink pen in my current journal from India.
Due to my increasingly busy schedule, I have no time.
I can't write OR read which are two things I sooooo love.

but here I am this Sunday morning, sick in bed and staying home from church.
so there is time.

My heart is so full this morning.
for many reasons, but mostly I am extremely emotionally sensitive to the Lord this morning.

you see, my sweet sweet boyfriend of 9 months asked me to be his wife a few weeks ago.
now since the moment I said yes (which was a while after he asked because I forgot to say yes. I was shocked, okay?!) life has not ceased to slow down. in fact.... it has sped up. to a rapid rate that isn't even on the speedometer. but that's okay, we are sticking with it. it's a fun season.

yesterday, I was feeling crumby as I am today, but I ventured out to the nearest "bigger" town to look for a wedding dress, as my wedding is coming SOON (May 25th). dress after dress I tried on, thinking... is this one it? no... how about this one? no...  I came away knowing what I want, but no dress. which I'm fine with. but I also came away with something else.

a thankful heart.
let me explain.

after I got home from the hour and a half drive... I called Garrett (my adorable husband-to-be) and went over to his house. we watched a movie and afterwards sat there talking. As I was looking at him, in his face, letting my mind try to memorize his features as if they will change tomorrow, my mind drifted to the Lord...
SIDENOTE: I love how thinking of Garrett Day, makes me think on Jesus. GRAND DESIGN.
and as we sat there, my eyes filled with moisture.
I just sat there thinking, "God, you were so faithful to me."

Garrett is my first boyfriend.
he's the first one I've ever held hands with.
the first one I've said I love you to.
the first one I've ever kissed.

I have often thought about all of the nights during the years of singleness that I would fall asleep thinking, praying, hoping, sometimes crying to God asking him not to forget me.
there were so many times I would write in my journals, "I feel like you've forgotten me."

but in that moment yesterday... and some moments before, but especially yesterday...
I was so thankful of our God's faithfulness.
He is faithful when we are not.
when we question and cry out and forget Him, He does not, will not, forget us.
He knew all along when I had no clue.
He was making me and making Garrett all along to be what we are now.
For each other, but FOR HIM.

It's funny because Garrett & I have known each other since we were 12.
but that whole time, we had no clue that on May 25, 2012, we would marry.
God's movements are all around us.

    "Trust in the Lord, and do good;
 dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
    Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
                                         Psalm 37:3-4

My story is one not of romance or beauty although it does include those things.

This story of mine is of the glorious riches and divine steadfastness of our Lord.

He so badly wanted my heart, that it was not in his character to give me the things I desired yet.

He needed me to want Him. There is more to me now than a hot fiance and a task-oriented mentality.

I have roots in the One. My FIRST Love.

The Love who enables me to Love Garrett Day, my beautiful family & sweet friends.

He is ALL.

He is it for us.

He IS the prize.

and we don't have to wait to get Him.

g l o r y .

promising me.

oh the promises of God.

how beautiful they are.

s t o r y t i m e :

a little over a week ago, I had a dream.

not unusual.

[I pray for dreams almost every night. God is faithful to give.]

what was unusual about this dream is that all I saw were the words

ISAIAH 55

hearing it said over and over.

no humans.

no angels.

no beings.

no nothing.

I woke up reaching for my Bible.

now, I'm about to get really REAL.

lately, the Lord has been teaching teaching teaching me.

and it has been SO sweet.

my whole life, all I've ever wanted was to know the Lord.

well, from the time I was s i x.

growing up, I have had one thing in my life to go after.

knowing God.

and so I have.

there have been times, I have been in opposition of the Lord because this is life... and I am human.

many times in fact.

but He has always brought me back.

His mercies are new every morning.

His grace ABOUNDS.

He has placed his Spirit inside of me.

and He always leads me back to Him.

together, the Spirit & I have been in pursuit of this deeper relationship with one another throughout my life.

but now, I have this boyfriend.

I think he's one of the most gracious people I've ever met.

and one of the most fun too. and one of the most a-lot-of-other-things too, but I'll stop gushing.

in him, I have this other thing, this person who I pursue, think about, give my attention, etc.

I mean, he definitely spurs me on to know Christ more everyday, but I've never had to find this sort of balance before.

how do these co-exist?

how do I love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength but serve and love (same thing) and think about this other person as well?

but my question to the Lord concerning this was met with the answer,

"pursue me & you will be all you need to be."

the beginning of Isaiah 55 is the Lord saying to us,

C O M E .

BUY

&

EAT.

He says to us,

"Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen and you will find life."

He offers free, EVERLASTING nourishment.

in the end of the passage, He promises cypress and myrtle where there was once thorns and brier.

one morning, while reading through this chapter again, I knew…

and by knew I mean something MOVED in me that early morning.

you know that feeling of just

KNOWING

that the Spirit in you is speaking something?

well, He was doing just that.

speaking and teaching.

ultimately…

p r o m i s i n g .

He promised to me that morning that the places in my life where

once grew nothingness and ugliness…

they had now been turned over and replaced with fertile ground.

this intimacy with my Jesus that He alone has drawn me into

has prepared rich fruitful ground to yield.

He has work to do in/through/around me.

and I am willing.

because his thoughts are higher. [vs. 8]

because his ways are better. 

in my flesh, sometimes I can feel justified in my doubt of the Lord

and His sovereign plan.

there have been paths He has led me down only to stop them

abruptly.

due to these not so joyous occasions, I am faced with a choice

to trust the God who commands and asks for this

e n t i r e  l i f e .

but my flesh wars against my spirit man because in my Spirit,

my heart has tasted & SEEN that the Lord is good.

and all of me KNOWS that there is no reason to fear.

waiting on the Lord is worth all that He promises.

but that morning, he promised fruit.

He promised

GROWTH.

there is no need to fear the outcome of things to come.

because in all actuality, knowing Him is all there is to do.

to KNOW Him.

the very essence of who He is.

God, let me know your heart.

praise God for these dreams.

I cling to the promises He gives me.

a bit of color.

some need a little color in their life... I'm convinced.

just this morning I encountered someone who needed some pizzazz in their daily grind.

oh God, don't let me be like that. please LORD.

I want to experience all that there is in this life to offer.

here's some color made for some beautiful people in my life:

a little something for the sister

& for Kim Day

well, I must go.

real post coming soon.

things I've learned in the past month:

• it really is SO SWEET to trust in Jesus. it's how we were originally created to operate.
• His faithfulness endures until THE END.
• boyfriends are so sweet. well, at least mine is.
• I was created for discipleship. I LOVE it. now to be discipled myself...
• I enjoy a nice clear coat on my nails every now and then instead of those crazy colors.
• sometimes, I am opinion-less. rare... but it happens.
• I love having my best friend live with me.
• absence makes the heart grow fonder... and fonder it does grow.
• I am a quality time, physical touch person.... but I LOVE giving gifts.
• I must verbally, out-loud submit my day, life and heart to the Father everyday.
• Aveeno is always the way to go. pay the painful extra $5.
• there are things to choose to be insecure about everyday or we can make the choice to hope in the Lord.
• I enjoy frisky activity. [frisky = Freakin' Risky]
• The enemy attacks when there is something God is trying to teach me. the greatest area of attack: my relationship with my Savior and my love for Him. I must be on guard.
• finally: Psalm 25:3 - I could preach a sermon on this... but I'll save it for my next post.

lovetoall.

let it remain.

He's worthy.

choices.

let it be known that today I am choosing to base
my life
my decisions
my heart
my feelings
my words
my thoughts
my hope
my fears
my insecurities
on the foundation of who God is.

I am reminded that the only constant of this life is the character of the Uncreated One.
sometimes He chooses not to speak even.
so His voice may not always interrupt me
but that's when His character & what I know to be true of Him
b u r s t s  f o r t h .

so today, it's me and you Jesus.
if I don't even hear you...
I will act upon the truth of what I know you to be.
[ I don't want communion with you because of your guidance. I want You. ]

I choose YOU instead of fear.
I choose YOU instead of myself.
I choose YOU instead of them.
I choose YOU instead of this world.
I choose YOU instead of the enemy.
I choose YOU instead of momentary gratification.
I choose YOU and this life of complete surrender.
this life of laying down myself & my desires at your feet & learning to walk away instead of praying you give them back.

this life of looking to the skies.

eagerly awaiting the Savior from the city of which I'm a citizen.

as for now,
until that day...
I choose YOU.

fear of grace.

so yesterday I had a final at 8am.
f i t n e s s.
directly after, I went to Starbucks for some sweet Jesus time.
when He speaks, HE SPEAKS.
[bless the name of God.]


but THEN
for the rest of the day...
I did absolutely nothing.


I did do a little of this:

moosejaw.

 

making art is such freedom.

to express an emotion and then to brush it away with another color in just a single stroke.

no boundaries beyond those of the canvas.

how nice it would be to be able to do that in life.

the ability to feel and express exactly what you are at that moment to have it wiped away if you so desired in an instant.

if I tried this, I think I might spend more time apologizing than living at all. [thank you Jesus for filters.]

but then I guess even in that finished piece, there are marks and screw ups all underneath the surface. you just can't see them anymore. there's still something lying underneath it all.

our pastor said something the other day that has begun a whole new thought process in me of who God is and what He does.

"It's God's grace that He reveals our sin to us."

h a l l e l u j a h .

because here's the thing beloved,

in the Garden, we were supposed to have communion with him...

in the Beginning, we were made to be perfect.

to be flawless.

and we screwed it up.

so now, we are nothing.

we are horrid little creatures roaming this earth craving and begging for the desires of our insatiable flesh to be satisfied.

they won't be. they never are.

I remember thinking at different times in my life,

in the midst of sanctification,

that I just wanted to be all that I ever would be

right at that moment.

I wanted to stop:

the correction

the rebuke

the reminder of my unholiness

the reminder of my filthiness

the reminder of my fault

sin

distance from all that He is.

I didn't want to be perfect because He desires that I be Him to all people...

I wanted to be flawless in order that I might live my life in "peace."

but over the years, I've come to realize that because of His goodness we are not left in the midst of the most wretched sin.

He has RANSOMED us.

He has saved us from sin and death.

and not only when we accept that salvation do we receive his grace,

but in the middle of it all when He reveals your sin and picks you up out of it and sends you off into new life.

the sweetest moments of His grace are in the tearful moments of the night when we're trying to figure out how to change ourselves.

only to be reminded that to change we must be completely yielded to Him in order to be transformed.

His grace is evident in the midst of too many instances to mention even now. but let it be known that His grace is sufficient to cover over a

M U L T I T U D E

of sins.

and

just as in Exodus when the Lord revealed His glory to Moses in the cleft of the rock,

it was scary

it was dangerous

it was life or death

but God did reveal.

and I want to see His glory.

which mean I must see my sin for what it is.

which is also scary sometimes.

but I say,

let the cloud descend.

...Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
...Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,

peoples in exchange for your life.

                    -- Isaiah 43:1-4