falling in L O V E.

I am actually in the middle of housework right now, but I had to pause really fast and flesh out all that God just spoke to me about.

Well….

Let me back up.

Just a little bit ago, I was finishing my vacuuming.

Winslow has this thing about the laundry basket. She loves it. She was happy, I was happy.

We were having so much fun.

She’s laughing, I’m talking to her, Posey’s licking her tongue. 

All is good in the neighborhood.

This is when it all went south.

 

She’s just starting to pull up on things, like I’m talking, yesterday was her first day to pull up on me.

I saw what was happening and so I did one of those dives like you do when you’re an all-star Volleyball player like myself (the one season I played in 6^th grade.)
but I was too late.

Her face smacked the wood floor as my hands reached her… forehead.

At least I caught her forehead right? 

Riiiiiight….
so as I’m having visions of my 7 ½ month olds nose gushing blood, she lets out a gut wrenching wail and I felt my stomach tighten in knots. Thankfully, no blood... I always over-react.

[Sidebar: you know when you were a kid and your parents gave you a spanking and they said, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” And you were thinking…. “Nope… pretty sure it is NOT hurting you as much as it’s hurting me right now.”….. well, I get it now parents. Because when your kid is hurting, trust me, you hurt. I refuse to think on the day I will have to give consequence that hurt...]

I automatically was thinking about how horrible a mother I was and while trying to calm her down, was inwardly scolding myself and swearing us off of the laundry basket.

She calmed after just a minute, (she weirdly has a high pain tolerance, unlike her father or myself) and I sat rocking her to sleep in her room.

And as I rocked I thought about my dive to protect her sweet little nose.

I thought, “I’m the parent. I’m supposed to catch her when she falls!”

And then I was like, “God doesn’t always catch me when I fall.” [read that again with a little attitude, that's how I said it.]

And this, friends, led me on this roundabout path of learning about LOVE.

You see, God promises shelter in him. [Psalm 91:4]

But didn’t Job, FAITHFUL Job, have to walk through multiple trials to fully understand the richness of God?

Didn’t David, a man after God’s own heart, sin and fall incredibly short?

YES.

But then, God was there.

And THE END, right?

That’s it. GOD WAS THERE.

And he held them and brought them to himself and made all things new again.

WHO decided LOVE was SAFETY?

God’s in love with us, right? He IS Love. [1 John 4:16]

He has this Father’s heart for us, right? [1 John 3:1]

But he lets us fall??????

Because Winslow fell today and I didn’t catch her, does that mean I don’t love her? If I had loved her, I would’ve kept her from harm, I would’ve caught her in time, right?

Love doesn’t equal safety.

Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India who devoted her life to God and his work, lived a good portion of the end of her life confined to a bed.

I don’t know where I’ve gotten my wires crossed, but today, God began to unravel something about himself and the beauty of who he is.

When you can see God for who he really is, knowing that even though you choose Him, and choose to do and be whatever he asks of you, He might take your life early or something you hold dear…. 

Can I choose to follow him then? He may not always keep you SAFE. He will shelter you. That much is true. But that may not always mean physically.

We are such a physical people, are we not?

I guess I just learned today that what I believe is a little crazier than I originally thought. I have pledged my life to a God who takes and gives life. I choose for my treasure to be found somewhere other than this physical world. I continue to choose him.

I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for safety or that God doesn't also keep us from harm many times. I am merely speaking to a misconstrued mindset that if he chooses to do something else that may in turn, cause us pain, His love still remains. That is something on which to build a house.

"You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you.

Trust in the Lord forever,

for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal."

                                     Isaiah 26:3-4